Journey

Early morning wake up times are hard for me. That is how it has always been. This morning my lovely girl woke me up, saying that it was time for me to take her to school. She is dressed and ready. A smile on her face. I love this about her. I dropped her off and made my way back to my warm bed. Actually, it was cold but it felt so divine. Sleep came easily and softly. My next wake up was from my sister and the little Lola. They wanted to go walking in the spring sunshine. I needed this. So off we went seeking the stretch of our legs and a pounding heart. Lola skipped along beside us. It was cold but the sunshine was welcome. We walked along the sidewalk looking at the cute brick houses and their perfect yards full of tulips. I felt happy that I could walk along with my sister, that I could be this strong. Our conversation was about being happy with where we are in our lives. We talked about trying to be our best selves and how we are constantly trying to do so. I don't like the thought that if one gets to a certain point they will automatically be happy. The old sayings of if I get this job, if I go to school, if I get married, if I have a baby, if I move into this house everything will be perfect. I feel those thoughts betray us in many ways. Of course it is lovely to have goals and think of your future. There is unrelenting pressure from society to be perfect and have it all. It's hurting our outlook. My sister is 11 years younger than me. I can see myself in her at that age. The questions of what do I want to do with my self are spinning in her head. I don't see her as an unfinished project. I see her on her life journey. The process of finding yourself, of finding the world. I am still finding my self everyday. I am still finding the world. How sad would it be if we did reach these places of complete fulfilment and stop growing as a person? I have to remind myself to be happy today with who I am and where I am. Where I am is on a journey that includes walks with my sister in the spring sunshine with her dog who is happy and content to run through the grass with her little mouth open. I am going to aspire to live in the moment as much as I can. Of course my goals and dreams will still be pushing me but I will no longer think, if we can just get here we will be happy. Happy is what you make. Happy is how you see your life. I am happy. Today at lunch with our other sister, we had beautiful food. Green salads, holy canoli, frozen chi, and a lofty dessert with cream. This afternoon my child came home with that smile on her face. We told each other I love you. In mere moments I am off to the flower shop with sister. Then my sweet husband will be home and the house will be full. I am happy. How could I not be?