Dimensions

I have to write this post before it doesn't seem real. We spent another week in the dimension that is Bear Lake. At least that's the way it feels when we are there, like another dimension. The air is thick with promise there. One night as we drove back to the cabin, there was a thunderstorm. Sparks of light filled the sky and made the dark clouds glow. Our eyes glued to the sky, nothing was pulling us away. I spend so much of my time with my face to the clouds anyway. I looked at the sky a lot on this trip. We would lay on the beach, listening to music that made the changing clouds dance. Blue sky and blue water, it was like looking into infinity. No end and no beginning, just dimensions melting together. My darlings were all around me. I could hear parts of their conversations and other times I was part of them. One afternoon we went on the boat and stopped to swim in the clear blue water. One by one we jumped in. The water cooled us. The sun warmed us. Rocking in the boat while we listened to music soothed us. A few days later I went for a swim from shore. My body moved through the water and I felt it on each part of me. It moved against my skin, with my skin, and over my skin. My head was the only thing above water. My feet were planted in the soft sand. I could clearly see my whole body. As I turned my head to look out across the water, I let the water into my heart. Lapping waves made me bob up and down. Water is in my soul. There it will stay, right next to the sky. At night when we stood on the sand and our faces searched the heavens, I could breathe deeper. Stars speak to you. That dimension of soft velvet night that captures everything. Waves are the only thing you hear. My heart desires the capture of night, the darkness. Soon, my love, the moon hung in the velvet and moved across the night. In the light of day as I was walking back to the cabin after a long walk, I started to get closer to the cabin. The road was familiar and it started to bend towards the cabin although I could not see it yet. At that bend, I had the distinct feeling that this is what it will be like when I go to that next dimension, when I pass from this life. My eyes welled up with love. It would be just like this. Walking on a familiar road home, around the bend as you wait to see your home come into view. As the cabin came into view, I cried with love. It was a homecoming. As I got closer, I could hear my family inside making breakfast. I stopped and listened. Laughter, delicious smells, Lola barking at me, and the voices of the people that make my heart beat. They were waiting for me. I knew as soon as I stepped in I would be greeted with love. I took a moment to gather my thoughts. I looked into the cabin and it was like looking into infinity. No ending and no beginning, just dimensions melting together. I stepped in and I was home.

New

Overload today. My heart can't take anymore. The world feels on fire. Something happened today that I thought was so out of reach, but it happened. I cried along with my loved ones, tears of relief. No shame in crying. It was like letting out a long breath, a long sigh of relief that was being held for years. A new path can begin today. This heavy burden is gone. Good things do happen. Such a mix of emotions today that just swirled and swirled in me. I could barely eat, so I forced some syrupy pancakes in my mouth. We felt like electric currents were in our bellies even with the good news. I guess that is how you feel when you carry something for so long and when it's done your feelings don't know quite where to land. That will be part of the new path, finding places for the feelings you thought were gone and letting go of the lead balloon. Today is our 10 year Wedding Anniversary, it mixed and swirled with today's events in a way that I will never forget. We are here together, always together. That will never change. The Sun and the Moon. Yesterday we celebrated in the mountains. Things were carefully packed in our small truck. We set up in a remote place. Soon a fire was crackling and I wandered around gathering wildflowers. I held a butterfly on my finger and named him Peter. After dinner we ended up in the hammock in silence that can only be held by love. We listened to the life around us. Birds, chipmunks and the sway of the wind. A perfect moment. On the way out on the rocky road, we chased the full moon. I grabbed his hand and told him thank you. Thank you for all of it.

Blue

I traveled home in July. I spent 5 days there. Growing up in this family, this place is your home. There is no real way to explain this to someone who hasn't spent every summer of their life here. It's part of who we are, deep down. Something that will never leave you because it shaped part of you. For me it has been the most consistent place I have ever known. Roots and love. I feel proud of the million summers I spent with the sun on my face and the blue water in my eyes. Before us, our parents and Grandparents played here. The black and white pictures of sailboats and a life that looked like it came off the page of a magazine. Then we came and we grew in that sun and water. It was the very life blood of summer. Games of dress up, hours in the blue water, the loft, four wheelers, boats on strings, campfires, and the whole family. Waking up was the best, the smell of breakfast cooking and always the sound of jet skiers. Walking into the front room as the sight of that blue water would hit you is something that will never lose it's magic. My childhood was cemented here, never to be torn away. Now I am bringing my child here. She has spent every summer of her life here. That binds us tighter. She grew in the sun and water also. That will never leave her. It is her home too. From Grandma and Grandpa to my Dad and his siblings, to my cousins, now to the Great Grand Children. All the laughter, secrets, sleeping, playing, eating, living, belonging, praying, bonding, and growing. That is all forever inside those walls, sand, water, sun, sky. It's all there. It's all with us as well. No other place will ever compare because it's not just a cabin, it's something there are no words for. If I have to explain it to you, you will never understand. There are those of you who know and that is what is the most magic about it.

IN

"I am gonna live like tomorrow doesn't exist, I am gonna swing from the chandelier" That chorus is swimming in my mind. Life has been coming in, I have my arms open. In my mind I feel a change. There is more room for all that I am seeing. The things I am seeing are glorious. The things I am feeling are even better. Times late at night when all the lights are out, I feel so alive. I smiled outside and deep inside. Tears rolled down my face from all my emotions. It was electric. I felt wild and beautiful. Outside is where I have been. I let my eyes swallow all they can, it saturates my heart and becomes part of my soul. Green trees, jade water, clear water, colorful flowers, sky, sun, moon, and clouds. Oh the clouds...I stop and stare, I fall in love with them everyday. A couple of days ago T and I went on a hike. We walked through Aspens and Pines. Along the way were lovely flowers of every color. As we walked we laughed. Our hike opened up into a large meadow bowl surrounded by mountains. The sight made me stop dead in my tracks. My heart sent a thankful prayer. It was perfect. I did a headstand so I could touch the sky with my feet while watching the mountains upside down. In my headstand I let out a pure joy laugh again and again. On the way back I had a moment that I felt wild and beautiful again and then I kissed T in the rain. More and more I let everything amaze me and take root in me. As I have been doing this, I have noticed that I am much happier. Just the other night I was standing in my kitchen in T's shirt, making him a lunch and the biggest smile grew on my face. Happy. So I continue to open my heart to life and I am seeing the real things that actually matter. 

OPEN

Up and down and in between. That has been my life lately. Summer is on our doorstep and it feels promising. There has been a knot in my chest. The other day it unwound a little when I turned the music up loud and danced with my sister and daughter. We sang songs over and over. It unwound a little when I sat on top of my brother's RV and looked at the beauty in front of me. Also when we walked through the Aspens and when we watched the beavers building stuff. This evening I went on a bike ride around my neighborhood, the knot loosened. This summer I want to unravel the knot completely. After my bike ride, I sat on my grass and watched the clouds. They changed from white to pink and purple. The birds were out singing. The wind slipped across my face. My feet planted into the cool grass. I did a few headstands, my legs high above me in the air. There was freedom in my breath. I took deep inhalations and asked for the energy of the clouds and sky. I need to let myself feel everything, mostly happiness. Walls need to be broken. Wild and free. Let the world amaze me. Let myself feel it. Open heart, wild heart, free heart.

Moonlight

Here.  I am here in bed. Moonlight drifting in the window. The night before it was a full moon. When I came to bed that night I opened the blinds and laid my head where my feet should be so I could gaze into the full moon. I willed the moonlight to heal my troubled mind. Thoughts left my mind and new ones returned. One theme stayed the same. Disconnect. Miscommunication. What is it about those words that gets so mixed up? Why can't we just understand what someone else is trying to say? In a world of smoke and mirrors you only have a few true rocks. I carry too many things with me. Some days I think I care too much and others I don't care enough. It's mostly caring too much that gets me into trouble. Over thinking is hurting me. It's keeping me in one place. Sometimes the miscommunication is so deep that it causes physical pain and second guessing things you thought were real. There are days when I am sure no one understands anything I say. So I am here again tonight with the moon, willing it to heal my heart this time. When the morning comes I will have more clarity. Less anger. The moonlight straight to my heart ought to do the trick.

Escape

I was standing in the grass looking at Timp, watching the graceful mountain. My shoes were off and I felt my feet growing into the earth. Lately when I go outside, I get a glorious feeling. I feel the openness of the sky, the expansion of the air, and the love. When I stood on my balcony last night the cool air whirled in my ears. I could see the stars. I could hear the city. I guess you could say that I am in awe of being outside. It's new again to me. Fresh. The feeling I get excites me. My bike has been my best way of catching freedom. The ride I took today was flawless. My yellow beach cruiser carried me around my town. The cool wind blowing across my chest and the sun dancing on my skin. It's an escape pure and simple. One that works every time. Outside is where I need to be. Summer is on it's way. The mountains, grass, sand, water, dirt, trees, flowers, clouds, sun, moon, stars. Those are places I find peace, love, and freedom.

Beloved

This post is unexpected but I guess it started brewing this afternoon. It's hot in my house, all the windows are open and fans are on. Everyone is sleeping. In an effort to cool the house down a little more I opened the deck door. Cool crisp air flowed in. I sat down on the carpet with my feet outside on the deck. Half in, half out. This is where she used to sit. She used to watch the world here. Everyday. Of course I am talking about our family pet Darla who passed away 2 years ago from cancer. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of her. I say this post started brewing this afternoon because there is another beloved family pet that will soon be gone from us. This one is my Mom's. He is sweet and aloof. What a guy! Feelings came back to me about how hard it is to say goodbye to our companions. I felt myself on that cliff that is deep and bottomless. So tonight as I was sitting half in and half out of the deck, my thoughts drifted to Darla. My chest tightened and tears spilled over my cheeks. I found myself thinking of her unconditional love and devotion to us. She was sweet and transparent. You could always see what she was feeling. She felt everything we felt, joy, playfulness, pain, sadness, love. Always love. I like to close my eyes and think of her face, her expressive little face. Her eyes were an amber fire. She healed us when we were sick. She wiggled and smiled when she saw us. She climbed and walked with us. She played games and nibbled at gingerbread houses. She protected us and taught us what love really means. She was my near constant companion. She would come check on me if I was in a different part of the house. We would talk to each other with words and without. Every morning she would come to my side of the bed and wait for me to look at her. As soon as I would she would wiggle and snort. Her front paws would always find their way up on the bed pinning me down. I would rub her head and ears until her head would start to relax, feeling heavy in my hands. I can still feel that weight. I can still feel her smooth fur over her strong muscles. I can still see her little nubbin of a tail wagging. In fact, there is not a detail about her that I will ever forget. She is forever in my head and heart. From the first time I saw her as a chubby puppy to the moment she took her last breath in my arms. She is mine. When she got sick, I would lay on the bed with her. I sobbed into her neck. She let me. I told her many things. Thank you, I love you, I will miss you. I made her promise me that when it is my turn to go that she will be the one to come get me. That may sound silly but it's not to me. She was my beloved. My darling. My pooch. I think that we could all learn a lot from animals. I could write about her for a long while but there are things that I want to keep, just for me. I know that she is never far and that I am a better human because of my life with her. Thank you D.

Brave

My watch tower is in front of me with light dancing on it's face. Birds are singing near and far. It's sunset and I am sitting on my porch taking it in. Smell of spring every now and again. When I write I find out what I really want to say in the process. Today has been kind and generous. A flowing day but in my heart and mind I feel turbulent. I have decided that I need to write out everything that is making me feel wounded. I won't do it here. I am not ready. We all have feelings that are too volatile, too raw. There are times that I feel a little lost, like there is something deeper I am missing. All my life I have felt like things that other people do, rules, life events, and circumstances were never meant for me. It's like I have have always known that. My life is different. I am different. Is something waiting for me? Is there something I have yet to discover? Is there something coming to me? Am I too old not to know these things? There is something lovely about the unknown and something completely maddening about it. I drive myself crazy with these thoughts. The juxtaposition of my heart puzzles me. Some days are so wonderful that I am frightened that it could all slip away and other days are terrifying to live through. So what is it? It's both. It's always been both. In my last post I talked about how much I worry. This is exhausting. There is a part of me that craves freedom and lightheartedness. I see myself with short wind swept hair in the sun smiling. No shoes and the sun warming my soul. I feel the lightness that I imagine riding a surfboard must feel like. Nirvana in my heart. The feeling I get when I listen to Bob Marley's Natural Mystic. That song is absolute freedom to me. That is where I want my mind to be. As I write this I know that I want a release all the time because my mind never stops. I also know that I am scared on those days that are amazing because my mind won't let me fully enjoy it. Brave is what I need to be. To look at the good days and just go deeper in them. Tell my mind to love it just like my heart does. To look at the bad days and tell my mind and heart to hold on, that we will make it. I want to seek out the beautiful colors of this life. More. More. Different. Wild. Freedom. Light. Dark. Heart. Soul. Touching. Mine. Mine. Deep. Perfect. Messy. Proud. Love.

Everything/nothing

A yard sale and a yoga class. These are the Saturdays that I love. They promise everything and nothing.
I drank a smoothie that resembled an orange dream as I left my home. It's funny because I really like the mornings. You get to see fresh light and the way it hits the sky. The air is crisp but warm.  Sunglasses, hair up, camo pants, lip gloss and wind in my hair. The car windows slightly down, letting the light and warmth pour in. Carefree for the moment. I took my blue yoga mat and rolled it out in class. My brother and his wife next to me. A small room with people who wanted to do the same thing. I am really loving yoga. There was a great moment today in class when the teacher helped me into my first headstand! I was elated! So happy! I had doubted myself, my ability. Ha! There I was, upside down feeling strong. I smiled and thanked the teacher. That was true joy. My body was electric after class. Another ride in the car, windows down and me singing. We collected stuffed olives, crackers, and Gouda. Of course some Coke. Blankets were laid on the lawn and we ate under the big tree in the grass.  I blew bubbles with a darling little person. I felt my heart get light. I felt light in my heart. The day the promised everything and nothing did exactly that.

LOVE

I find myself on my velveteen couch again listening to music. It's the day after my T's birthday, there are bright balloons floating above my head. I just finished organizing my music into different playlists.  Love songs, dreamy songs, mellow songs, rap songs, upbeat songs, but mostly love songs. Love in all forms in songs. I was sick a couple of days ago and I am still recovering. That is why I am on my couch at 4 in the afternoon in my p.j.s listening to music. Love has been on my mind. I guess that it really always has been. Lately I have been trying to do all things out of love. Thoughts, actions, intentions, and words. I have prayed for help with this. It starts in my home and moves outward. The idea of doing everything from a source of love is amazing to me. Of course I love my family but I want to share as much love as I can. I have a deep heart. I am capable to share so much more. As I listen to music today the theme that runs in and out is love. How much better could my little world be if I shared more love? How much could we all do by doing things from a loving source inside your heart? This is my intention, to show love and spread love everyday. I want to stretch my capacity for love.  God, love, family, community, nature, earth. Because "All you need is love"

Light

"Can you tell I am faking it, that I want to be my self?" This song is playing in my ear buds as I write this entry. It's late. My family is sleeping.  The house is quiet, but not in my ears. The play list cycles through. Every song makes me feel something true, deep and beautiful. I want to live here for awhile in the peace that music creates. I want it to last. So things have been stressful. Anxiety is stalking me. It keeps me from my life. It steals my light. Today should have been a great day but I woke up knowing how it would be. "How could you be so low, swinging after the bell and after all of the whistles blow, trying to go below the belt, through my chest, perfect hit to the dome....dammit babe" That lyric has been floating in my head a lot. TKO. Ya, that's it. I left my "perfect day" and came home. Sometimes it feels like an unfair fight. Most of the time I can fight back, it was not that way today or the past three days. I needed to write this today. I looked at my self in the mirror. I saw scared eyes, tired eyes. Immediately I knew that music and writing was the answer for that moment. I was a little adult as a child. I worried more than I should have as a teenager. I think too much.  Little blonde, big blue eyed, wise beyond my years kid standing in the hall before open heart surgery in a nightgown. That is a real picture that exists. I feel like that tonight. Heavy, weighed down with so many things. It's as I am writing this that I realize, I just want to unload. It needs to be lighter. I need to be lighter. My thoughts need to be lighter. "Don't make me sad, don't make me cry, sometimes love is not enough, the road gets tough.. I don't know why, keep making me laugh, let's go get high, the road is long, we can be young, try to have some fun in the meantime, come take a walk on the wild side, let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain, you like your girls insane." She is singing sweetly in my ear, Lana. I need to ask myself to be lighthearted more. Stop thinking so much. Stop carrying so much. In the words of my favorite song "Every little thing is gonna be alright."

Honest

It's evening, I am sitting on my velveteen couch watching the pink light dance on Timp. My heart is lighter today. This time of night is my favorite. It means my family is home. It means dinner together. It means a calm night with my loves. Yesterday started great. T and I wandered up A.F. Canyon, armed with lunch, binoculars, frosty Cherry Coke, and the need to escape for a bit. As we drove up the winding road, I watched the jagged mountains appear. The trees were in a beautiful lifeless state. We talked about the summer fun that we would have in our Canyon. The pine trees that filled in the mountain were covered in snow and I spent time feeling their energy. It was cold and perfect. We made our way to the little blue lake. Lunch was lovely. On the way down we stopped to walk along the river. Branches cracked under our feet and I felt like I was miles away from anything. The river was flowing and making it's magical sound. I let it's sound take root in my heart. Water has such a pull on my heart. I find it fascinating and moving. It speaks to me. We finally made it home and found ourselves in need of a rare nap. Our room was filled with soft afternoon light and our white bedding was peaceful. We slipped easily into sleep laying next to each other. I could leave the story there and make it pretty but the truth is I woke up with some crazy anxiety. That is a beast that I battle every day. This was a strange anxiety, my face was tingling and I was dizzy. I felt off. I made dinner but after I just wanted to cry, and so I did. M heard me and made me a bed on the couch. She got my pillow, blanket, my book, and a fresh glass of water. I stayed on the couch for the rest of the night. I vowed that tomorrow would be better and it has been. Anxiety is a beast. I am trying to deal with it better but some days are harder than others. That's the truth. It's my truth. So while I didn't have a perfect day, I had an honest day and it was good.

Story

What is your story? This question is simple and hard. I am still rolling it around in my head. I want to know many stories from many people. Our stories, experiences, trials, triumphs, pain, joy, alone, together, where you came from, how it molded you, your choices, things that were not your choice, fate, luck, higher power, kindness shown, unkindness, and love in all forms. I am thinking of a project to gather these stories because I believe that stories are magic. It's who we are. So for now, I am going to be writing my story. My truth.

Problem/Triumph

My arms stretched and my legs balanced my body. I bent into another shape and let out a long breath. Yoga was connecting me to myself this morning. My mind shifted and shifted around again. I was restless. He could tell I was steaming. He took me to the mountains. Outside the air was alive. The sky was the blue that you dream about. Way off in the distance the clouds lined up end upon puffy end.  My angry mind began to lose it's flame. Feet to dirt, blood pumping, thumping chest, eyes searching. A rhythm was born. This hike would not have been possible a year ago. I thought of my body, my spirit and my journey. Tears came with a triumphant smile. Yes, I could do this hike now. I thanked God, my body, heart, spirit, and the guy hiking along side me. The forever patient man who saw me through. Birds fluttered about us. A mother deer and her babies watched us. The sun, oh the glorious sun washed over my face. How I needed the glow it brought to my soul. We fell into a silent pace back to the truck. My mind was a little more settled but I still had a problem bouncing around. When we found ourselves back home I could feel my problem following me. The truth is, it has been for some time now. I wrestle and fight this almost daily. It causes me anxiety on top of anxiety. This problem can not continue for one more day. I could feel myself slipping into a hole that is so deep it scares me. Pulling back from the edge takes skill and guidance. Luckily I had both tonight. After the house was settled into a slumber, I found my patient man. We had the conversation I needed. It pulled me back. I resolved to be better. I vowed to gather myself up for the fight ahead of me. It was all going to be alright. So now I find myself exhausted and hopeful at the same time. The bed is calling me, the sanctuary it provides. So with a hopeful heart that I can make another journey that will be hard, I am climbing into bed. I can do hard things. I have done hard things.


                          "We made it out to the other side, we can escape to the great sunshine"

Moments

My eyes were so heavy this morning. Without opening my eyes I knew it was overcast outside. That was ok with me. As I pulled myself out of bed, my blood started to pump harder and my heavy eyes opened slowly. I had a lot to get done today, so it seemed logical to play some music to get me going. I love loud music with beautiful lyrics and a beat to dance to.  The first song that played on my stereo was Happy by Pharrell. "Because I am happy" moved me along.  While I did yoga I watched the snow blowing off the top of Timp. It looked magic, a perfect flowing moment. I have been trying to practice being in the moment, being present. Yoga has helped me. I love it. It takes patience. It has calmed my thoughts and calmed my heart. As my day went on I continued to listen to music. My songs played, I would sing along, move my body to the beat, and feel it inspire me. For a while now Lana Del Rey has been such a love of mine. Her music is hard to describe but it speaks deeply to me. Her lyrics are heaven and hell, beauty and pain. My heart and head were light. My girl came home from school and off we went to get a birthday present for a friend and flowers for the house. Deep purple carnations called my name, so into the cart they went. We found ourselves getting some delicious curly fries. We ate them on the way home as we listened to a local radio station. Silence between us but music in the air. Another perfect flowing moment. I love these moments, these everyday life moments. This is what our life is made of. Tonight I had a lovely moment eating a Cadbury egg, it was perfect.

Vanished

Bitter and sweet. Sweet and bitter. I have found my self around family a lot. So many beautiful people, stories, and roots. It's amazing really. They are mine and I am theirs. That is beautiful. So why do I feel so bittersweet at times? Is it the realness and the truth in our mixed stories? Is it some of the thoughts I have that I can't even say out loud about the home that was but then disappeared? Or the pain behind the reason for the home that vanished? I drove past one of the house's I lived in as a child, it had been bulldozed, like it never existed. It was a real life visual of my feelings. I thought to myself "Was it real? Did that life happen?" It must have, I guess. The other night I got to spend time with some of my female relatives. There is something perfect about being together eating and creating. We cooed over the darling baby boy and cooed at the stout dog. On my drive home I felt sweet and bitter. Crazy how they go together some days. Home provided a refuge for me. Hugs and a cold drink of water, followed by a steaming bath. I curled in my bed. My thoughts started to get softer and fuzzy. Though I may never fully heal from my vanished home, I will always have a home that I created inside me to keep me safe on these bittersweet days. 

Wave

I was feeling crushed and stale by the time I left on our trip to Carlsbad. The pull of the ocean is like gravity. I can feel the waves like my own heart beat, even 800 miles away. There is history in this trip. My Grandparents started going every year. This trip was my Grandma's 27 year going on this adventure.  We piled into our favorite "Drof" and off we went. The road is pure freedom. I watched out the window as the sun set over the mountains and my mind started to get lost in the possibilities of this trip. My Dad, Step Mom, Sister, little Lola, and my Maddie were my companions. Music filled the car along with deep laughs. We found ourselves on the Vegas strip at 1 a.m. driving up and down. The neon was consuming and crazy. The next morning we set out on the final leg of our journey. I could feel the ocean getting closer. My frantic mind started to slow down. I could feel the sun warming me back to life and then I found myself standing on the beach. I am always amazed by the ocean. It lights  me and humbles me at the same time. It is like home. It is like nothing I have ever known. Maddie runs back and forth, completely at ease with the water. Over the next 7 days we spend time with my Grandma and my Aunts and Uncles. I love to sit and listen to the conversations around me and I find myself thinking about how incredibly lucky I am to spend time with my extended family. The fact is that we see each other much more than most families and I adore it. Maddie gets to be with her Mom, Aunt, Grandpa, Grandma, Great-Grandma, Great Aunts and Great Uncles on this trip. At one point on our trip my Grandma said to me that she loves to have her family together and have fun. That is all she wanted from this trip. I am sure that was accomplished. This vacation always strengthens me. It brings me a certain fuel that I can not find here. I would often talk to the ocean and ask it to send some of it's strength with me. I asked it for peace and I asked it for love. It heals me. On the last night, I asked my Dad if he would walk down to the beach with me. We walked down the stairs and onto the sand. The moon was bright and we were the only ones there. The waves were loud and beautiful. The tide was high and the wind was blowing my wet hair around my head. I could feel the ocean taking it's place inside my heart and spreading. A weight moved from my head. I smiled and felt free. My Dad and I talked and when we walked back to the Hotel I hugged him hard. I thanked him because it meant so much to me that he would walk down to the beach with me. He has taught me to love adventure. Many times on this trip I would connect deeply with different family members. There were a few times when I saw my Grandma doing something so sweet, I couldn't help but try and memorize it. The time she sat swirling her feet in the sand, when she wore a sombrero at dinner and sipped her fancy drink, and the time she hugged me and told me she loved me before I was born. Sharing this adventure with Maddie is my favorite. She is lovely. How could I not love this trip? On the day we left, I took my bike on a ride around the block. It was short and sweet but it gave me the biggest smile. On our journey home I could feel my other home getting closer, my Husband. Heartstrings that connect us, pulled us together like gravity. My heart was filled again with love, peace, and strength the moment I was in his arms.

Simple

Hello, I have not been here for a while. Things, like usual are on my mind. The shower I just took calmed me and soothed my heart. Showers always do. This day has been a beautiful mix.  When my eyes opened, I lay in my white blanket, the soft sun pouring in the window. I steadied my mind. Only positive today. My home was quiet with traces of life from the early morning. Coffee lingering in the air, toaster still plugged in, and M's perfume filling my lungs. I move from room to room, opening blinds, folding blankets, chasing stray cups into the sink. The sight that is outside my window takes my breath away everyday. My charming Timp. It stands watch. I did yoga towards the watch tower and I walked in the sun after. Then lunch and looking for Valentines Day frills. The rest of my day moved quickly. I finally found myself back at home with my darlings. The way the light hits Timp at sunset is complete magic. Staring is often what I do because if I blink the light is gone. There is homework being done and a Jazz game in the other room. On this day I feel fortunate for my life. These simple and beautiful days are the kind I love.