Wave

I was feeling crushed and stale by the time I left on our trip to Carlsbad. The pull of the ocean is like gravity. I can feel the waves like my own heart beat, even 800 miles away. There is history in this trip. My Grandparents started going every year. This trip was my Grandma's 27 year going on this adventure.  We piled into our favorite "Drof" and off we went. The road is pure freedom. I watched out the window as the sun set over the mountains and my mind started to get lost in the possibilities of this trip. My Dad, Step Mom, Sister, little Lola, and my Maddie were my companions. Music filled the car along with deep laughs. We found ourselves on the Vegas strip at 1 a.m. driving up and down. The neon was consuming and crazy. The next morning we set out on the final leg of our journey. I could feel the ocean getting closer. My frantic mind started to slow down. I could feel the sun warming me back to life and then I found myself standing on the beach. I am always amazed by the ocean. It lights  me and humbles me at the same time. It is like home. It is like nothing I have ever known. Maddie runs back and forth, completely at ease with the water. Over the next 7 days we spend time with my Grandma and my Aunts and Uncles. I love to sit and listen to the conversations around me and I find myself thinking about how incredibly lucky I am to spend time with my extended family. The fact is that we see each other much more than most families and I adore it. Maddie gets to be with her Mom, Aunt, Grandpa, Grandma, Great-Grandma, Great Aunts and Great Uncles on this trip. At one point on our trip my Grandma said to me that she loves to have her family together and have fun. That is all she wanted from this trip. I am sure that was accomplished. This vacation always strengthens me. It brings me a certain fuel that I can not find here. I would often talk to the ocean and ask it to send some of it's strength with me. I asked it for peace and I asked it for love. It heals me. On the last night, I asked my Dad if he would walk down to the beach with me. We walked down the stairs and onto the sand. The moon was bright and we were the only ones there. The waves were loud and beautiful. The tide was high and the wind was blowing my wet hair around my head. I could feel the ocean taking it's place inside my heart and spreading. A weight moved from my head. I smiled and felt free. My Dad and I talked and when we walked back to the Hotel I hugged him hard. I thanked him because it meant so much to me that he would walk down to the beach with me. He has taught me to love adventure. Many times on this trip I would connect deeply with different family members. There were a few times when I saw my Grandma doing something so sweet, I couldn't help but try and memorize it. The time she sat swirling her feet in the sand, when she wore a sombrero at dinner and sipped her fancy drink, and the time she hugged me and told me she loved me before I was born. Sharing this adventure with Maddie is my favorite. She is lovely. How could I not love this trip? On the day we left, I took my bike on a ride around the block. It was short and sweet but it gave me the biggest smile. On our journey home I could feel my other home getting closer, my Husband. Heartstrings that connect us, pulled us together like gravity. My heart was filled again with love, peace, and strength the moment I was in his arms.