New

Overload today. My heart can't take anymore. The world feels on fire. Something happened today that I thought was so out of reach, but it happened. I cried along with my loved ones, tears of relief. No shame in crying. It was like letting out a long breath, a long sigh of relief that was being held for years. A new path can begin today. This heavy burden is gone. Good things do happen. Such a mix of emotions today that just swirled and swirled in me. I could barely eat, so I forced some syrupy pancakes in my mouth. We felt like electric currents were in our bellies even with the good news. I guess that is how you feel when you carry something for so long and when it's done your feelings don't know quite where to land. That will be part of the new path, finding places for the feelings you thought were gone and letting go of the lead balloon. Today is our 10 year Wedding Anniversary, it mixed and swirled with today's events in a way that I will never forget. We are here together, always together. That will never change. The Sun and the Moon. Yesterday we celebrated in the mountains. Things were carefully packed in our small truck. We set up in a remote place. Soon a fire was crackling and I wandered around gathering wildflowers. I held a butterfly on my finger and named him Peter. After dinner we ended up in the hammock in silence that can only be held by love. We listened to the life around us. Birds, chipmunks and the sway of the wind. A perfect moment. On the way out on the rocky road, we chased the full moon. I grabbed his hand and told him thank you. Thank you for all of it.

Blue

I traveled home in July. I spent 5 days there. Growing up in this family, this place is your home. There is no real way to explain this to someone who hasn't spent every summer of their life here. It's part of who we are, deep down. Something that will never leave you because it shaped part of you. For me it has been the most consistent place I have ever known. Roots and love. I feel proud of the million summers I spent with the sun on my face and the blue water in my eyes. Before us, our parents and Grandparents played here. The black and white pictures of sailboats and a life that looked like it came off the page of a magazine. Then we came and we grew in that sun and water. It was the very life blood of summer. Games of dress up, hours in the blue water, the loft, four wheelers, boats on strings, campfires, and the whole family. Waking up was the best, the smell of breakfast cooking and always the sound of jet skiers. Walking into the front room as the sight of that blue water would hit you is something that will never lose it's magic. My childhood was cemented here, never to be torn away. Now I am bringing my child here. She has spent every summer of her life here. That binds us tighter. She grew in the sun and water also. That will never leave her. It is her home too. From Grandma and Grandpa to my Dad and his siblings, to my cousins, now to the Great Grand Children. All the laughter, secrets, sleeping, playing, eating, living, belonging, praying, bonding, and growing. That is all forever inside those walls, sand, water, sun, sky. It's all there. It's all with us as well. No other place will ever compare because it's not just a cabin, it's something there are no words for. If I have to explain it to you, you will never understand. There are those of you who know and that is what is the most magic about it.

IN

"I am gonna live like tomorrow doesn't exist, I am gonna swing from the chandelier" That chorus is swimming in my mind. Life has been coming in, I have my arms open. In my mind I feel a change. There is more room for all that I am seeing. The things I am seeing are glorious. The things I am feeling are even better. Times late at night when all the lights are out, I feel so alive. I smiled outside and deep inside. Tears rolled down my face from all my emotions. It was electric. I felt wild and beautiful. Outside is where I have been. I let my eyes swallow all they can, it saturates my heart and becomes part of my soul. Green trees, jade water, clear water, colorful flowers, sky, sun, moon, and clouds. Oh the clouds...I stop and stare, I fall in love with them everyday. A couple of days ago T and I went on a hike. We walked through Aspens and Pines. Along the way were lovely flowers of every color. As we walked we laughed. Our hike opened up into a large meadow bowl surrounded by mountains. The sight made me stop dead in my tracks. My heart sent a thankful prayer. It was perfect. I did a headstand so I could touch the sky with my feet while watching the mountains upside down. In my headstand I let out a pure joy laugh again and again. On the way back I had a moment that I felt wild and beautiful again and then I kissed T in the rain. More and more I let everything amaze me and take root in me. As I have been doing this, I have noticed that I am much happier. Just the other night I was standing in my kitchen in T's shirt, making him a lunch and the biggest smile grew on my face. Happy. So I continue to open my heart to life and I am seeing the real things that actually matter.