OPEN

Up and down and in between. That has been my life lately. Summer is on our doorstep and it feels promising. There has been a knot in my chest. The other day it unwound a little when I turned the music up loud and danced with my sister and daughter. We sang songs over and over. It unwound a little when I sat on top of my brother's RV and looked at the beauty in front of me. Also when we walked through the Aspens and when we watched the beavers building stuff. This evening I went on a bike ride around my neighborhood, the knot loosened. This summer I want to unravel the knot completely. After my bike ride, I sat on my grass and watched the clouds. They changed from white to pink and purple. The birds were out singing. The wind slipped across my face. My feet planted into the cool grass. I did a few headstands, my legs high above me in the air. There was freedom in my breath. I took deep inhalations and asked for the energy of the clouds and sky. I need to let myself feel everything, mostly happiness. Walls need to be broken. Wild and free. Let the world amaze me. Let myself feel it. Open heart, wild heart, free heart.

Moonlight

Here.  I am here in bed. Moonlight drifting in the window. The night before it was a full moon. When I came to bed that night I opened the blinds and laid my head where my feet should be so I could gaze into the full moon. I willed the moonlight to heal my troubled mind. Thoughts left my mind and new ones returned. One theme stayed the same. Disconnect. Miscommunication. What is it about those words that gets so mixed up? Why can't we just understand what someone else is trying to say? In a world of smoke and mirrors you only have a few true rocks. I carry too many things with me. Some days I think I care too much and others I don't care enough. It's mostly caring too much that gets me into trouble. Over thinking is hurting me. It's keeping me in one place. Sometimes the miscommunication is so deep that it causes physical pain and second guessing things you thought were real. There are days when I am sure no one understands anything I say. So I am here again tonight with the moon, willing it to heal my heart this time. When the morning comes I will have more clarity. Less anger. The moonlight straight to my heart ought to do the trick.

Escape

I was standing in the grass looking at Timp, watching the graceful mountain. My shoes were off and I felt my feet growing into the earth. Lately when I go outside, I get a glorious feeling. I feel the openness of the sky, the expansion of the air, and the love. When I stood on my balcony last night the cool air whirled in my ears. I could see the stars. I could hear the city. I guess you could say that I am in awe of being outside. It's new again to me. Fresh. The feeling I get excites me. My bike has been my best way of catching freedom. The ride I took today was flawless. My yellow beach cruiser carried me around my town. The cool wind blowing across my chest and the sun dancing on my skin. It's an escape pure and simple. One that works every time. Outside is where I need to be. Summer is on it's way. The mountains, grass, sand, water, dirt, trees, flowers, clouds, sun, moon, stars. Those are places I find peace, love, and freedom.