Honest

It's evening, I am sitting on my velveteen couch watching the pink light dance on Timp. My heart is lighter today. This time of night is my favorite. It means my family is home. It means dinner together. It means a calm night with my loves. Yesterday started great. T and I wandered up A.F. Canyon, armed with lunch, binoculars, frosty Cherry Coke, and the need to escape for a bit. As we drove up the winding road, I watched the jagged mountains appear. The trees were in a beautiful lifeless state. We talked about the summer fun that we would have in our Canyon. The pine trees that filled in the mountain were covered in snow and I spent time feeling their energy. It was cold and perfect. We made our way to the little blue lake. Lunch was lovely. On the way down we stopped to walk along the river. Branches cracked under our feet and I felt like I was miles away from anything. The river was flowing and making it's magical sound. I let it's sound take root in my heart. Water has such a pull on my heart. I find it fascinating and moving. It speaks to me. We finally made it home and found ourselves in need of a rare nap. Our room was filled with soft afternoon light and our white bedding was peaceful. We slipped easily into sleep laying next to each other. I could leave the story there and make it pretty but the truth is I woke up with some crazy anxiety. That is a beast that I battle every day. This was a strange anxiety, my face was tingling and I was dizzy. I felt off. I made dinner but after I just wanted to cry, and so I did. M heard me and made me a bed on the couch. She got my pillow, blanket, my book, and a fresh glass of water. I stayed on the couch for the rest of the night. I vowed that tomorrow would be better and it has been. Anxiety is a beast. I am trying to deal with it better but some days are harder than others. That's the truth. It's my truth. So while I didn't have a perfect day, I had an honest day and it was good.