Beloved

This post is unexpected but I guess it started brewing this afternoon. It's hot in my house, all the windows are open and fans are on. Everyone is sleeping. In an effort to cool the house down a little more I opened the deck door. Cool crisp air flowed in. I sat down on the carpet with my feet outside on the deck. Half in, half out. This is where she used to sit. She used to watch the world here. Everyday. Of course I am talking about our family pet Darla who passed away 2 years ago from cancer. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of her. I say this post started brewing this afternoon because there is another beloved family pet that will soon be gone from us. This one is my Mom's. He is sweet and aloof. What a guy! Feelings came back to me about how hard it is to say goodbye to our companions. I felt myself on that cliff that is deep and bottomless. So tonight as I was sitting half in and half out of the deck, my thoughts drifted to Darla. My chest tightened and tears spilled over my cheeks. I found myself thinking of her unconditional love and devotion to us. She was sweet and transparent. You could always see what she was feeling. She felt everything we felt, joy, playfulness, pain, sadness, love. Always love. I like to close my eyes and think of her face, her expressive little face. Her eyes were an amber fire. She healed us when we were sick. She wiggled and smiled when she saw us. She climbed and walked with us. She played games and nibbled at gingerbread houses. She protected us and taught us what love really means. She was my near constant companion. She would come check on me if I was in a different part of the house. We would talk to each other with words and without. Every morning she would come to my side of the bed and wait for me to look at her. As soon as I would she would wiggle and snort. Her front paws would always find their way up on the bed pinning me down. I would rub her head and ears until her head would start to relax, feeling heavy in my hands. I can still feel that weight. I can still feel her smooth fur over her strong muscles. I can still see her little nubbin of a tail wagging. In fact, there is not a detail about her that I will ever forget. She is forever in my head and heart. From the first time I saw her as a chubby puppy to the moment she took her last breath in my arms. She is mine. When she got sick, I would lay on the bed with her. I sobbed into her neck. She let me. I told her many things. Thank you, I love you, I will miss you. I made her promise me that when it is my turn to go that she will be the one to come get me. That may sound silly but it's not to me. She was my beloved. My darling. My pooch. I think that we could all learn a lot from animals. I could write about her for a long while but there are things that I want to keep, just for me. I know that she is never far and that I am a better human because of my life with her. Thank you D.