Roller coaster

My mind is screaming at me to get off this ride.  For 7 months I have had non stop pain, worry, heartache, bad days, good days, really bad days, doctor appointments, CT scans, blood draws, and bills. This period of my life has been difficult at best. It seems to always be a balancing act with my body. A lot of "We can't try this because of this." There have been days where I thought my physical pain would never end and days where I am uplifted and carried. Days more recently have brought me to my knees in pain and exhaustion. That combo is my mortal enemy. I try to do the things I know I need to do but all the while I am breaking with each step I take. It's hour by hour. Task by task. But this day, mercifully has brought some helpful knowledge, a plan and reassurance. It has also brought me one of my most unique experiences to date. All I can say is that I am blown away at what my body has to say. I mean really has to say. She is honest and she does not hold back, my body that is. I love her. She is bold. She said it straight. I like her. There are things my spirit needs to address and then my body will follow in it's healing. Things I have let go and things that I need to start accepting, like unconditional love. Wow. Deep. Not to mention the fact that angels are around me and are literally touching and healing my heart as I type this. I am in a place that I did not know I could be. I am thankful that this day was not as painful or as exhausting. I do know that I am being looked after here and there. There is beauty in this struggle. It is in the pain of absolute devastation and in the way I am picked up after. It is in the mornings that I can get out of bed and do what needs to be done. It is in the joy of seeing the sun peaking over the mountains. It is in the kind voices of family, doctors, healers, spirits, and HIM. It is in the really wonderful times dancing in the kitchen. All of it is beauty. I am listening to myself. She is a good egg. She needs to be heard.