Some people don't like the truth when it's ugly. They want it to be nice and sweet. But the truth is not always perfect. It's messy, complicated, and hard. I tried to see the truth. I failed. It was not at all what I thought. As I am writing tonight, it's my mind that is hurting. I don't see my self very clearly. In good ways and bad ways. Today the line screaming in my head is "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!"in Jack Nicholson's voice. I think this about my self and people around me. I could not look people in the face today. Not even when I visited my mom's. I could not face my self in her eye's. I felt like a monster. I am mean. I am snappy. I need to change my attitude. But where to start is the real question. How does one go about doing that? This question is puzzling me. Do you find some book to tell you to be nice and behave? Do you fake it? Do you just stop telling people your feelings? I do know that I can not stand to become one of those people who will tell you they are perfectly fine while their house is on fire. There has to be a balance. I don't know where to start. I wish I was better at being positive. I am not doom and gloom but I could do better. Tonight my mind is racing and circling it's self. It's trying to help me and trying to be mad still. I will sleep in my bed, willing my mind to feel better in the morning.
"I am trying hard not to get into trouble, but I have got a war in my mind"
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