Home sick

I am home sick. Last night as I was getting dressed for bed I had an intense feeling of missing my home in Pleasant Grove. I missed my bathroom. It hit me like the Surfliner in Carlsbad. We do have a home that we live in. It's warm and lovely and it has the most amazing view of Utah lake and the valley at night. But still...it's not my home. We have left our safety net in search of something a little bigger with a back yard full of sun and good times with the family. The economy prevented us from selling our home, which I am actually thankful for. My home is still mine. I could go back if I wanted to. Some days I miss it desperately. I miss the wind blowing my curtains while I made dinner, the peaceful routine we had of coming home from school and work. I would make a yummy dinner while Maddie did homework. We had family over weekly. It was the spot to hang out and talk. On summer nights the family would come over for dinner and then we would all walk around the neighborhood back to the garden. The sun would be setting over our hard work. Some of us would ride bikes and longboards around and around, taking turns. It was pure bliss. I loved walking at sunset to see the pinks and purples dazzling the sky. The clouds changing and calling me. There were countless hours spent laughing and watching the latest movie. It was a true home in every sense of the word. How could we leave that? Is this why I am having the most stressful time in a decade? What is happening to me? We wanted to see what else was waiting for us by making the move. It has been more than I bargained for. We have moved twice in 4 months. Now I am trying my hardest to make things happen for us, to achieve the goal we set out for, a new place to call our own. A place to make memories, to call our family over again and again to share our home.  I have to look forward to this. I have to make it happen. So I guess combining the moves, the health issues that are making me insane, it would only make sense for me to feel so low right now. Home is really where your heart is. I believe that everyone needs a space that is their own to grow and feel security. Where you can do as you please and come and go whenever you feel. I want our next place to be our sanctuary. Somewhere we can sleep without a care and where I can watch my curtains blow again while I make dinner. Home is vital to the heart. It means more to me than I can say. I never took our home in Pleasant Grove for granted, never. But when we get to a new home I will be that much more grateful for the freedom your very own place brings.